Bittersweet Memories
by MyEmeraldTears
Summary: As emotional scars are ripped open, Sakura finds herself dangling on the brink of insanity. Her heart shattered in pieces, she indulges in her bittersweet fears, but is stopped by the overwhelming warmth that one provides. "Don't worry. I'll protect you."


**Hey, everyone! Okay, getting down to business, this story is rather depressing from the beginning to middle, but I promise you, lights up in the end. **

**Let me just say, this is only my second FanFiction, so reviews are still something scarce for me. I would really appreciate it if you could read and review, as each message holds a special place in my heart! (-So deep)**

**I do not own Naruto, and any of the characters and places. It all belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.**

**Please enjoy!**

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It was days like these, in which I felt horrible.

Truly, I could not stand the sudden turn of events, which attacked me so suddenly. I was left in a state of depression after my earlier mission, and I felt that the world was crashing down on me. And yet, being the masochist that I've become, I recall the battle, and the mission, which had left me in such a state.

Our team was assigned a rather hard mission, one that would be emotionally and physically exhausting. Shinobi guards reported sighting of Sasuke in Sunagakure, and we were forced to bring him back to Konohagakure by either compromising an end result, or knocking him out. But this time if he didn't comply, we were ordered to kill him. It was ranked as an S class mission…usually, the mention of such a high ranked assignment sent shivers of anticipation through my spine, much more actually doing one. But when I heard the details of this one, I nearly fainted.

Nearly.

Naruto caught me before I hit the floor, thankfully.

At the time, I couldn't believe it. I already accepted him as an enemy, I'm sure the whole village has… but were we really supposed to _kill_ Sasuke? An old comrade? Because, it was obvious that he wouldn't come back. I nearly snapped at Tsunade-Sama when she explained the details, but stopped my in the nick of time before I would reveal my attachment to the former comrade. She obviously knew that sending us on this mission would open emotional scars which we had tried so hard in closing, in sealing away, so I hadn't thought that practically screaming it at her would change her mind.

And sure enough, when we finally met him, the metaphorical scabs were ripped off immediately, as within a few words, we _knew _we had to kill Sasuke.

"_Fools…just try and kill me."_

During the whole battle, he kept mentioning memories, moments of déjà vu, which he knewwould slow us down tremendously. He used our memories, our _bonds _against us, apparently hoping that it would be extremely effective.

And it was.

But, for the most part, the beginning hadn't gone too terrible. Sure, everyone got injured, which was, pretty bad in it's own way. As his haste kept striking him down, Naruto had gained many pierces and bruises, and Kakashi for his timely intervenes to protect Naruto, suffered a hole in his shoulder, and some nasty scratches. I only had assisted in the background, smashing the occasional rock or boulder, and healing my wounded comrades, so I hadn't gotten hurt too badly.

Until the last moments of the fight.

I got caught in a strong genjutsu after being distracted by some rather harsh words, ones that paralyzed me. A terrible genjutsu was laid on me instantly in my moment of weakness, Sasuke obviously showing no mercy in his choice of the jutsu. It had brought up all the moments of friendship, all the peaceful and mirthful experiences that I had with Sasuke. And then, none other than he himself had shattered those memories into pieces, piercing me with the glass of realization. Then, for days, I was put through the scene of Sasuke's betrayal, the night where he left Konohagakure, the night when he left _me_.

At the end of it, I had been an emotional wreck. By then, I was broken, devoid of any emotion and feeling. I wasn't worried. I _couldn't _be. The genjutsu was thankfully ended by none other than Naruto, and he looked rather worried as his glistening beryl eyes met my broken green ones. But by then, I couldn't feel anything at all…I was just _numb._

I don't remember much from then. I just woke up in my room, bandaged up from our previous battle. I felt awful, my body ached, and my heart yearned for _something_…no, someone. I was obviously recovering from the genjutsu that I was put through, and now was suffering some mental problems. As the doctor called it, I was close to a state of major depression, and that any contact with something mentally damaging in the least, would corrupt my mind permanently.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the world span out of it's orbit and crashed into the asteroid belt, or something. After all, that would be an improvement. Heh, I'm such a pessimist. Of course, that would be a worse case scenario of extreme proportions, but life its self was unpredictable.

I slump down further into my bed, and sigh lightly. As a piece of, bouncy, pink hair drops in front of my face, I still a bit, gazing at it softly. Then, I scoff, and flip the strand away, as said item had been impairing my vision. I grasp my hair from behind slightly and pull it forward, examining it like I had nothing better to do. Hell, maybe I didn't. After all, I would rather tend to my hair, such a vain movement, then think about the possibilities, or the "what if's" that could have blossomed into my life before _his _betrayal. But life can't be changed, and everything that happens cannot be reversed, no matter how hard we try. Whether it be physically or mentally, the weight of the world was sometimes too much for me to handle. And let me tell you, when your stuck in your room at night, with no lights on (Hmm, just too tired to turn it, you know?), with nobody near you, and the only thing you can think of is how horrible you life is, well, let's just say it doesn't exactly _help _your depression.

I shake my head, and look towards the ceiling, as I feel my mind drift to one of my only weaknesses

Memories. Mere visions that plague my days and nights. Bittersweet reminiscences, the only obstacle I have to overcome in this rather harsh life. And yet, I can't. As Sasuke's face travels deep my each memory, the feeling of betrayal is etched deep into each vision, and I can't avoid them in my current mental state. I know that my mind was trying to sadden me. That's depression. But the only thing I can do was to be strong, and ignore the pangs in my chest as I recall the rather painful visions that have yet to go away, that have yet to leave my mind and soul, for the trouble that it's worth. But alas, it is an impossible task.

It was days like these, in which I felt confused.

I know, clearly, that bonds are just a nuisance in a shinobi's path of life. Devoted comrades, and then shortly, brutal betrayals. Such opposites are closer then they seem, and I have a first hand experience of it. Such a thin line between love and hate, that it can be crossed without a second thought, leaving the other side demolished and shattered in pieces.

I let go of my hair, and let it fall to my sides carelessly. The strands hardly skim my shoulder, and I sigh yet again. My hair…it's quite short, and I find my thoughts reverting to something I _know _will be rather troublesome, yet again.

My hair felt much lighter, now that I cut it. Many positives blossomed from the simplistic gesture, such as aiding me more in my battles, as now I would have to worry about it betting intertwined with any sticks or bushes, and well belittling the possibility of some troublesome enemy who would resort to grabbing my hair as a tactic of immobility. But, truly, I'm not sure whether I had liked it long. Naruto sure did… But really, I only grew it out for…

Sasuke. I remember back then…just under four years ago when I had been assigned to Kakashi-Sensei's team. I was elated that Sasuke was on my team, expressed it quite openly, following him around like a sheep. It was obvious that my feelings were not requited, but I still yearned for his attention desperately, ignoring my duties as a kunoichi, and throwing away my ability to battle. I faithfully followed him everywhere, not so sparing anyone a glance if I was with him, thinking that pure happiness was within him, within Sasuke. Oho, how _loyal _and _dedicated _I was to him. But even then, I could tell that he was out of my league, fighting for a cause in which was terrible, but still preserving, and still striving to be the strongest. He had no time for love. He was an avenger. He would get his he revenge. He would do everything it takes to kill his brother.

Even if led to the betrayal of Konohagakure.

That night, I was left _shattered_. My heart and mind almost broke, seeping into the depths of insanity, as sadness and grief bleed through my senses. That night, that terrible, abhorrent night, I couldn't stop the tears, the sobs, the overwhelming anguish. I pleaded with him, I begged him to stay. I offered him everything I could give, a bounty of affection, and my complete and utter attention. I said I would shower him with love, I would fix his life, I would aid him in his mental battles, if only he could stay. And if he didn't, I foolishly suggested that I would go with him, that I would betray the Leaf for a boy. Had I really intended to? Probably. A thirteen-year-old's mind is quite weak, easily manipulated as it is nurtured, controlled like a puppet connected by a thousand strings.

He refused in the end, he turned down all the offers I had given him, all of the possibilities of my aid, so I had desperately tried my last resort, claiming that if he left, I would scream at the top of my lungs about his betrayal, alerting the whole village in an instant. Obviously, that had irked him, as he disappeared from my view in an instant, and muttering some words which now have no meaning, knocked me out, leaving me behind, rejecting my love. That night has left me in an unstable condition that I have been hiding under my calm exterior. It was then…that I decided to lock up my emotions, to stop crying over pointless things, and to become mentally and physically strong. But now, I'm an emotional wreck, and the memory hurts more than it had the first day. Emotions are so cruel to you. They won't leave, and the won't let, and when your screaming at the top of your lungs to flee from these boundless troubles, it's then in which you realize how truly horrible feelings are. Especially when a certain someone has captured your heart, yet again, awhile another part is still dangling to a betrayer.

I avert my thoughts immediately. I indulged too much in the topic, a horrible mistake, and shake my head to rid of the thoughts, but find my mind drift to an even more dangerous one. Tears…I hate them. A sign of weakness, only to be shed when needed, if it aided a mission or an assassination of some sorts. Falling down your face, tears nothing but mere _water_ in the form of drops. Most people don't even take notice of them, and yet, people shed them all the time. But, a true shinobi should never shed a tear, right? Their only priorities are their missions, right?

…Right…?

Suddenly, I let the sobs, the tear wrenching wails and hiccups burst through my mouth, those in which I hadn't known I was holding in, as tears fall steadily down my face, collecting in a pool on my bed sheets and legs. I bend my body over, and cover my mouth with my hands, wailing and sobbing about things that should have been forgotten, feelings that should have been erased. My mind skims over different memories, ones filled with mirth, trying futilely to stop the tears and sobs. But, such a thing wasn't easy. Being the first time I had cried in a year, the tears, the sobs, and the memories, they just wouldn't stop. I remove my hands from my mouth, and clutch my stomach instead, screaming my sobs, yelling pleas to stop this insanity, these cruel thoughts killing my sanity.

It was days like these, in which I felt destroyed.

My sobs are interrupted by a loud and rather bashful knock on the door. I snap my head up in surprise, and wipe my tears, though they still fall. Obviously crestfallen, I don't allow the person to come in, saying nothing that would hint allowance. After all, why would anyone _want _to see me like this? And I certainly don't want to see anyone.

The banging persists. Then a loud and mirthful voice rings out from behind the door. "Sakura-Chan! Are you in there? Open up! I come to make sure you're alright!" I choke on my sobs, as I hear how blissfully _unaware_ he sounded. Naruto was behind the door, which even then, surprised me a bit, to the point of almost stopping my sobs. But, honestly, be it him or my parents, I can't speak to anyone, even _if _I'm yearning to grasp the warmth that I _know _he provides.

"Go away! I don't want to talk to _anybody _right now!" I snap. _No! Stay! I need you right now! Don't leave!_ My voice wavers from my sobs and internal conflict, though still dripping with ferocity, and I hear a footstep behind the door, probably Naruto recoiling from my sudden outburst. I sniff sharply, and sob a bit more.

He stays silent for a few fleeting moments, probably listening to me wail. Then, he starts banging the door again, though more frantic and obnoxious then before. "Are you okay, Sakura-Chan? Sakura-Chan! Open up, quickly!"

I jump of my bed, and stomp down my room, before I come face to face with the door. "Are your deaf? I said leave me the hell _alone!" Stay here and comfort me! I need the warmth and the reassurance! _I slam my hand on my wall, frustrated at my selfish thoughts, leaving a hand shaped imprint on it, watching the surrounding walls crack from the impact. I slump down to the ground, clenching my fists, and crying even harder, choking on my wails and nonsensical words. I stay there for minutes, not thinking about anything in particular, just sobbing and crying my heart out. I sniff a bit, and shakily stand up, retreating back to my bed, hoping he got the point.

Naruto…the only one I really care for in this world.

Of course, I _want _him here, I _need _him here. Naruto is _always _there for me, whether I was hopelessly trailing Sasuke, or now, when I'm practically emotionally unstable. It was times like now in which I want to embrace him, and hold him tightly, hoping that my problems would go away, that _Sasuke _would goaway. I'm sure he'd let me, though I have never referred or done such a thing before. His body…whenever I'm in the vicinity of his body, I feel warmth, I feel pleased. These feelings…I guess they started the day he left to get Sasuke back. I had begged and begged for him to bring him home, and he promised me he would do it, that he would succeed. Even in the hospital, at the end off the mission as he was heavily wounded and was in a near death state, the only thing he could think of was the failure of his promise. His failure to _me._ It was then, where I had realized that he would do practically _anything _for me, and everything, without complaint. Whether this is love or not, I'm not really sure. Of the matter, all I know, is that I recently began to develop feelings for him. Strong feelings. Of course, he's rather oblivious at the fact, probably still thinks I hate him, but nonetheless, I don't want to burden him, no matter how elated I am in his company, no matter how much I want him here. And just because I like Naruto, a part of my heart still clings to Sasuke, as faithfully as before, thus causing me my current state of internal conflict, and now, the hiccups and sobs that don't stop.

I don't hear much sound after my outburst, except of course, my cries, as I curl up into a little ball on my bed, disappointed at the lack of warmth that could have been mine.

It was days like these, in which I felt lonely.

I shake my head, and tightly close my eyes, as a headache attacks my body, adding to the overall pain I was dealing with. Yet again, my terrible thoughts are blown up to the surface of my mind, exposing my weaknesses to the world of this never-ending torture. Remembrances are a terrible thing, and I find myself screaming pointless pleas and cries for this to end.

"Please! Please, for the love of God, please leave me _alone!" _I scream, sobs racking my body, as I shiver from the recoil of my dreadful thoughts.

"Who do you want to leave you alone?"

I flinch backwards harshly, and slam my back against the back of my bed, whipping my head in the direction of my intruder, which had invaded so suddenly. My eyes widen a fraction.

"You…!"

Naruto stands on the window still of my room, crouching down his feet watching me hesitantly, as well as looking at my walls, now cracked. The moonlight highlights his features artistically, and the wind tussles his hair across his face lightly, the environment making him look like a demon. I feel my heart skip a beat as his eyes lock with mine, the blue of his orbs shining brighter than the moonlight. As he takes notice of my tear stained face, I see his eyes widen in shock, as he jumps of the window still, and rushes towards me, obviously worried. "S-Sakura-Chan?"

I immediately jump of my bed, and strive away from him desperately, avoiding him skillfully, though it pains me to do so. He looks confused, and hurt seeps into his facial features, shattering my already broken heart even more. But, I have no choice. I don't want him to find out. This continues for a while, him striving for me, and me running from him frantically. If he found out the reason my tears have been shed, surely he would brand me as weak. Surely he would say that I should let go, that even after all the help and kindness that he showered with me, the only thing I could think of was Sasuke, that I shouldn't have been left in such a state just because of a mission. I can't lose the only source of undying faith, which even now, loyally follows me around.

"Please, Sakura-Chan! Tell me what's wrong!" He yearns desperately, locking his eyes with my retreating ones, all while continuing this small game of cat and mouse we were currently trapped in.

This goes on for a while, but as my back hits a corner, I realize that I had made a grave mistake. Stuck between my bed, and the corner of the wall, it was quite obvious that I was trapped, and with no way out. Hmm, so the cat…or the fox wins again.

It was days like these, in which I felt trapped.

I hardly hold on to my cries, but my tears still fall freely, even in front of him. Naruto takes this opportunity to come closer to me, and to trap any other means of retreat. Around a couple inches away from me, I could feel his breath on my face, I could smell his intoxicatingly addictive scent, and I could feel the warmth radiating of his body, bleeding into mine. I avert my eyes from his, and I hear him sigh, disappointedly. He hesitates for a bit, but then reaches his hand under my eye, and starts to wipe at my tears tenderly with an outstretched thumb. My heart starts beating crazily, and I'm surprised it didn't break out of its ribcage, and I'm sure my face was a bright crimson. After much apprehension, I turn my eyes back to him, and nearly shriek when I see his face mere millimeters away from mine. I hesitantly look into his eyes, his beautiful cerulean orbs, which were focusing on the task at mind, until he notices my gaze. He then moves his eyes up to lock his with mine. He doesn't move his face back, and I flinch back a bit, but he only comes closer until his body presses against mine in the corner. I see his head move forward, and I feel my heart skip a beat. But, he recoils back sharply, and places his hand on his head, shaking both of them slightly. Then, he abruptly grabs my hand, and pulls me to the bed, which was currently stained with my tears. Sitting down, he pats the space next to him, signaling for me to sit next to him. I comply. I mean, now he doesn't have to worry about my crying all over him, right?

"Sakura-Chan…what's wrong?" I flinch automatically at the topic, shudder a bit, and bite my lip, my eyes wavering, before they look away, debating whether or not I should tell him.

I sit there like that for a bit, making up my mind. Will he think I'm weak…I don't want that...but I can't lie to him, and he's never done that to me...I think.

I turn back to him slowly, and speak very softly, willing my self to sound strong and calm. I failed miserably. "My memories… of t-that _day_…my m-memories of all the horrible things that happened after that…all at o-once, t-they a-attacked my mind. A-All at o-once…! B-because of that s-stupid mission…and I c-can't take i-it! I-I feel like I'm g-going insane!" I drop me head down into my hand, but I don't cry or sob, I just shake. I stay like that, thinking harshly about myself and how weak I was, until suddenly I'm jerked to the side, and encircled by strong arms through my waist and arms.

My face flushes yet again, as I'm slammed onto Naruto's toned chest, as legs and arms flail widely. I hold back the urge to scream bloody murder, as the boy who I'm infatuated with was practically crushing his body with mine, only holding me tighter if he felt my hesitation, and. I feel my waist being squeezed with his arms harder, and he pulls my body over his, grasping hard enough to leave bruises on my skin. But I don't pull away. No, I'll _never_ pull away. Just sitting there, held within Naruto's arms, I feel the depression and memories melt away, I feel my love for Sasuke melt away, and I feel my love for him, blossom.

He moves on of his arms from my waist, and uses it to softly pat my head. "Don't worry. I'll protect you. I'll remove the thoughts of Sasuke from your mind. And don't forget, you're not the only one who's suffering. And because I know and share your pain, I promise you, I will protect you." My eyes widen to an immaculate degree, and my body stiffens, before tears start to weld up in my eyes again, threatening to fall within a single movement. I shove my face harder into his chest, (I think I heard him yelp a bit…) and say.

"I know you will…because you never go back on your promises…isn't that you nindo way?" I smile for the first time in a while. A true, honest smile. Not the ones that you have to give to your parents when the fake compliment you, not the one you have to give to cover up your hurt, much like I had been a couple of minutes ago. I actually felt happy enough to smile…

Wait…happy?

Banish the thought. Overjoyed, on the other hand, would describe it much better.

Naruto pulls me out his chest, and stares at my face, which was smothered with tears. He clicks his tongue, and reaches a hand under to swipe at them again, but I grasp his hand slightly, and smile again.

"Don't. They're tears of joy." I murmur, while looking down. I drop Naruto's hand, and look back up to him, to see the biggest, goddamn smile painted on his face. The sight of it made me giggle, no matter how I felt before, and as the sound erupted from my mouth, it made Naruto laugh along with me. We sat their for a moment, exchanging quite chuckles with obnoxious giggles like we didn't have a care in the world. My depression almost immediately evaporated into thin air, and contentment took its place quickly. This must be what people mean by simple pleasures, just laughing here with a friend...or a boy who I want to make _more_ than a friend. As my laughing stilled, Naruto's started to slow, so I resort to looking into his eyes as he laughs, as a form of comfort. But, they were closed, so I examine his personality instead.

He never thinks pessimistically, doesn't he? Sometimes I believe that he lives in his own world, practically unaware of the happenings in the real one, just living blissfully and mirthfully. I envy him for that. His teeth were always showing, either in a smile, or an out burst of rage. And his rage is only for his friends. I would've expected that, as he was alone for most of his childhood, just because of the kyuubi, which was forcefully sealed inside of him. At the time, I was harsh and cruel to him, because everyone was. I didn't know better. I was teased as well, because of my rather large forehead, so I should've at least understood some of his pain. He was alone, and I knew that. And yet, I still hurt him. But now that he has friends, he won't let them go, and trust me, he has the strength to do it. But…sometimes that makes me wonder.

Am I just a friend to him? I know he has a crush on me, but I don't think that it has progressed to the point of love, much like I have. I've already been informed of his crush, and that he likes me, but am I just a friend in his eyes. Am I anyone special…do I hold a part of his heart? This question sometimes makes me think about our relationship, and how undiscovered it is. He probably doesn't know, as I said before, that I like him, but he's always been there for me, even saying that he would protect me, and I should at least repay him with letting him know.

I look over to Naruto, who had already stopped laughing, still recovering from the giggles by covering his stomach with his hand, but staring at me, nonetheless. He meets my eyes, and I see something unidentifiable flicker within those premises, as he looks at me strangely, a way that I can't identify. I gather up my courage, and lean forward a bit. I see his eyes widen immensely, and that berates my confidence a bit, but I lean forward even more, close my eyes, and press my lips softly on to his. I did it slight enough that it wasn't too passionate, but heavy enough that he knew I was doing it, because I want him to know that I do love him, and not for intimate reasons, but for true and honest reasons, as I need his kindness, I need his warmth, and I need _him_.

I wait a bit before I open my eyes slowly, and I'm quickly disheartened when I see Naruto's face unchanged. Just staring at me with widened eyes, face unmoving, and body still. I grimace, and pull away abruptly, jumping off his body, and turning to the other side of the bed sharply, before ultimately standing up to leave the room. I jump of my bed, and make a hasty retreat to my door, tripping on items on the way because of my haste.

This day was horrible. First, I had to go through a mentally disturbing genjutsu for what it felt like days. Second, I couldn't help but break down in my room over memories brought up by our previous mission. Third, while crying, Naruto found me, and had to actually _comfort _me because I was too weak to deal with it myself. And fourth, when I finally revealed my love to him, Naruto didn't even look pleased or happy, or even angry. It was like he couldn't care at all.

Tears start to weld up, yet again for my foolishness, as I'm about to reach the handle. But suddenly, a vice grip attaches its self on my wrist, and pulls me back. Whipped around, I come face to face with Naruto, as he slams his lips on mine passionately. I gasp sharply, shocked by his bashfulness and he replies by smiling a bit on my lips, now a bit swollen from the impact. He snakes his arms around my waist, and pulls me deeper into the kiss, and closer to him. I'm stunned for a few seconds, the heat of my current situation messing up my senses, but realizing that this means he accepted my offer, I throw my hands around his chest, and reply back with as much force in the kiss that he could ever hope to give, letting the heat of the kiss burned away the last of my troubles, and the last of Sasuke. Startled by my reaction, we're thrown to the floor by my force, and land roughly on the cold tiles. It takes a few seconds for me to recollect my thoughts. My face smashed into his chest, the kiss was obviously over, I conclude. I lay still on Naruto's body, and listen to his heartbeat, which was pounding terribly. I smile a bit, and speak, my mouth on his chest.

"So…is that a yes…?" I murmur.

I scoot a bit forward on his body, closer to his face so I could hear what he would say.

"It always was." A smile was completely evident on his face, shining like the sun, or even brighter. "And I can't describe how happy I am that you love me back."

I slam my face down, and nuzzle in his neck. "Mmhmm, more that I could've ever loved Sasuke."

"At least I won in that aspect." Naruto sounds cynical and sarcastic, but his smile still persists through brightly.

"Heh, want me to buy you a medal?" I giggle.

"Don't worry. I already have what I need." He pulls my forward a bit, and places a small kiss on my lips. I giggle, and give him a small head butt, then rest my head on his chest once more, laughing a bit as I see his pained expression.

"Your heart is racing…did I do that?" I mutter.

He laughs heartily, and my body shakes from the vibrations of his chest. "All the time."

It was days like these, in which I felt completed.

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**Was it good? Bad? Absolutely disgusting?**

**Okay, do you want a sequel? This was originally a one shot, and only if people want, will I make it into a multi chaptered FanFiction!**

**Alright, please review!**

**See ya!**


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